Wednesday, July 21, 2004

My Wal-Mart Love Affair

Wal-Mart how I love thee let me count the ways.  Well not really count but say the ways that I love Wal-Mart.
I could not live without a Wal-Mart.  I mean it has everything I could ever want at a price I can actually pay.  Dress socks for sixty cents is an awesome.  Having caps for 7$ is too cool.  Though the CDs are never in any recognized order the price is worth the look through the chaos.
It is open 24 hours.  That means if I need a loofa at 2:30 a.m. I can go to Wal-Mart and get one.  How about a banana at 6:01 a.m.?  Yes I can.  How about a deck of cards at 10:30p.m.?  Yes I can.  24 hours 7 days a week.  I could get anything at any time.
Pencil and chickens are in the same store.  So if I wanted a baseball and spam I can go to Wal-Mart.  If I wanted paper clips and T.V. Dinners I can go to Wal-Mart.  If I wanted ivory soap and Bar-B-Q sauce I can go to Wal-Mart.  I could buy all of this at 1 a.m. because why?  That’s right 24 hours.
I can not vacation in a town without a Wal-Mart.  I could tolerate living in a small city if I have what?  That’s right a Wal-Mart.  It is the place to shop.
I cannot go into a Wal-Mart without spending money.  I go in for one thing like soap or a pen and come out with 4 items.  I just cannot go in there an buy what I need.  I go in there and get not only what I need but what I assume I’ll need in the future.
I love the Gap, Old Navy, Hot Topic, and American Eagle.  But When I don’t have the green Wal-Mart clothes are just as good.  So is Wal-Mart’s boxer briefs, ankle sox, and wife beaters.  I am comfortable in my Wal-Mart gear.  It isn’t like shopping at the dumpster, though one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
It’s nice to have Micky D’s there but I only eat the Spicy McChicken.  It is a nice little partnership there.  That could tie them into Disney. That is the 3 Power Houses: McDonald’s, Disney and Wal-Mart.
Then they have self check-out.  That rules.  I just have three things I can now leave quicker because I am paying through self check-out.  Then I don’t need cash I can pay with my ATM card.  It’s just too cool.
Wal-Mart is more than just for selling walls.  It is my sanctuary of bathroom necessities, munchies, writing helpers and chest covers (T-Shirts).  I love the Wal-Mart.  It is my livelihood.  Long live the mart!  And that is how much I love thee.
Dork Lesson #3 going to Wal-Mart is dorky.  Going to Wal-Mart in the wee hours and excited to do so is Dorky.  Going to Wal-Mart for one thing and coming out with 4 items that are not the one and plus the reason of going in is dorky.  Being a master at self-check out is dorky.  Thinking there is nothing wrong with my obsession with Wal-Mart is uber dorky.