Naming a Baby

I've decided that when I need a cool name for my child and I can't think of a good one I'll sit and read the credits at a movie that I go to and then pick the cool ones. That is what I'll do. Because I've sat there after the credits and I've read the names and there are often names that are unique and cool.

This makes it dorky and well worth mentioning here let alone the fact that staying after the movie to read the credits is annoying to the cleaning crew. So that's mean of me and dorky of me but it's sort of creative of me. Instead of spending money on a baby book I just steal it from the credits.

Maybe next few postings will be about something more serious.....shocker.

But this baby name idea is mine. Don't you think of stealing it or else I'll sue you and your baby. That's right SUE!!!

Ten Things

I have not took the time to come here and update things. But guess what? I am going to do it now. I think I'll start with a few interesting things that I as a dorky person noticed over the past few weeks I didn't post here.....

One is that I knew I couldn't hold up on this dork list thing I was creating. I don't think I'll be adding to that very often. Doing it every time I post is a real pain.

Two is that people have horrible communication problems and then wonder why their relationships fall through. I don't get that at all. I mean why not fix it? For one thing they don't even know they have a sucky communication. Try telling them. That'll be a blast. ha.

Three is that X3 will be the movie that makes the most money. Because Superman didn't even crack close enough to how much money X3 pulled in over the weekend. So the summer is the summer of Superheroes but the heroes are mutants. WOOHOO. I'll touch more on X-Men at a later date.

Four is that it stinks to know things about people and realize how much damage one could do to someone and that they know that I know these things and yet decide to treat me bad. You would think that would be a mistake. But of course they fall back on the hope that the lock and key idea I presented to them is true and therefore don't fear me saying a single word. Lucky them that that is something I have trouble breaking no matter how mad I get. Though no one has pushed me far enough to find out if I am able to break the lock and spill the loot. I doubt they'd wanna do that.

Five is that people don't realize how great they have it until they lose it. Or I should state lose a friendship with me. Yes I'm a bitter friend but guess what? It's better than shooting them in the face with a loaded paintball gun.

Six is that paintball is way more fun than I had thought. WAY MORE FUN!!!!!

Seven is that Three Days Grace is awesome in concert even if they only did get to sing two songs. It was Buzz Fest and they were late because of van problems but hey it was awesome.

Eight is that women that are negative are not for me. This girl that I dated couldn't have possibly been more negative and wrought with ew than she was. It's fine not to like things and voice such an opinion...but it's not okay to voice it all the time as if I really care to see the world through the eyes of a woman always on PMS. Nah...thanks.

Nine is that MSN is a horrible, horrible way of breaking up and only losers of loserness decided to break up with someone that way.

Ten is that I've realized that I'm pretty funny. I mean I write things down in this book I have and there are things from 3 years ago and it's just funny stuff there. I amuse myself and if that's all I do then oh well...too bad for everyone else.

Well that's enough. The important thing is that I'll be coming back more to say things about people or situations and that is that.

Hope everyone will enjoy it...even the people that read this and don't like me. Why even read it if you don't like me? That's just stupid but so are the people that don't like me. Guess that works.

Does "Charlie" Own "Willy Wonka"?

Charlie and the Chcolate Factory is not a remake as much as it is a retelling of the story that was done a while ago. Years and dates bore me so I can't recall when Willy Wonka was made---'71? Something like that.

Anyway let me just do some back story.........

The plan was to at 7:10--didn't occur because I'm a late person. So we decided on 8:10---which wasn't really the time of the movie because my bestfriend told me the wrong time just so we could get there on time. Of course we don't cause I have to go the Wal-Mart to get something to hide in one of my pockets (Monster and beef jerky). So we get there a little late and on the way in a guy mock hits on me and stuff and I really thought he was hitting on my best friend but he wasn't. He was with a group of doppelgangers. They walked past he says you're hot and then starts commenting on other things. He laughs. I say 'hahahaha but you're white" and move on. Okay I didn't say that but had I thought it at the time I would have. Darn it.

So we go in and get our tickets and my best friend gets to the seat while I piss. Yeah they don't wanna sit in there with screaming childrens so we change out for 9:10. We walk around the mall get some apple slushy watch this 2 foot Chinese child slam the DDR game to the ground. It was entertaining. The slushy gives me cold headaches and then we head back to get a seat.

My best friend tells me a funny story I laugh loud. This black girl (important to note her color) mock laughs me laugh and I scream, "Well you're black" and laugh louder that time. Okay I didn't but had I I'm sure her friends would have had to hold her back while I laughed and walked away.

We get our seats and there we sit. Then the guy one seat over leaves. So here I am next to two empty seats in a very crowed theater. Guess how many times I was asked if those seats were taken? No go ahead and guess---yeah countless that's a good number. NOT MY SEATS but I'm the one who has to answer. Sick of it. The last guy who asks I say, "They are her seats" really loud and he's like, "I don't understand what you're saying are they taken?" And then the woman answers yes. Annoyed but why the hell should she be annoyed I'm the one who had to save her stupid seats for her and do I get a thank you? No. Anyway my next line to the guy was, "I don't understand your hair," but he moved too far away for me to say that. He was bald (shaved) and had one long pony tail and that's it.

Anyway the movie......

Any scene that's in the first movie does not get repeated in this movie. Yes Violet gets big and fat. Yes the line "Violet you're turning violet Violet" is in the movie but that's about it. The remainder of the movie is not similar to the first one and therefore I don't think calling it a remake is exactly correct. A retelling is more accurate.

Johnny Depp is freakin' funny. The mumbler lines are by far my favorite. He is odd and quirky and very witty.

The Oopaloopas (sp?) where the same actor multiplied. (I read) No computer animation just him. They recorded him over and over again to get that many all over in some scenes. I liked the songs the Oopaloopas sang. They were clever just like the first ones were.

In the first one I always fast forward through the "Charlie" song because it SUCKS. In this movie I don't think there is a single spot I would fast forward. The beginning is dramatic even though everyone knows what is to occur. It is not only dramatic but it is funny. The four grandparents have a bigger role and are their own characters. They add to the beginning quit well.

The end is similar to the book. The first one never showed the children leaving the Factory but this one did. Not only that they added more to the end and they added more back story to Will Wonka.

Tim Burton is one of my favorite directors. He stated he did not like the first one as much as anyone else did. And it's a good thing because what he created is totally different than the first one, so much so it shouldn't be compared at all.

I like that there are no songs except for the OoopaLoopas though I do think I miss the Candy Man song.

I loved it. I thought it was too funny and people laughed so I missed some of the jokes but I would so go see it again. It was worth my money.

I give it an A+. I for one like it more than the other one made way back when.

Enterprise's Lost Episode

I wanted closure. I understood it was over and I wanted to see a send off that would make it worth. I wanted two hours of action and tears and a great goodbye. Instead I got two hours of Paramount disrespect.

Star Trek has been gold to Paramount but apparently they did not want to return such a favor to Enterprise.

The series finale gets an F. They did not explain the reason for the alternate universe. They did not explain who the future guy was who spoke to the Sulabon.(sp?)

The last episode was slat in a wound of cancellation. Killing Trip was totally wrong and done in a very uncaring way. Adding the Next Generation cast was also wrong on so many levels. And instead of ending with Archer or one of the crew members they choose to end it on a lame crap holodeck program.

Enterprise could explain the ridges on Klingons in a creative fashion so no this last episode they could have done ten billion times better than they did. It was my favorite cast until that last episode.

Twenty plus years of Star Trek and this is the thanks they get? I am calling it Enterprise’s Lost Episode because it should not be remembered it should be lost and forgotten. I disown it as Enterprise worthy because I’m dorky enough to be able to do that.

Paula Issue

Corey Clark is a moron and a money grubber. Even if she did what he claims, it didn’t ruin the voting process at all. He is not a victim in this and he can’t sing. You suck at being human Corey and so do your parents.

This was me about American Idol and my two cents. It has been brought to you by my dorky self.

Creepy Vacation

I went on a cruise. It was fun. I went with eleven other people. Now I am not going to go on a day by day telling of what occurred. That would be really boring. I am just going to explain how it was fun.

The ship was huge. Well to me it was huge. To others it might be small and not huge but hey this is my first cruise lay off. First I will start off with the rooms. They were small. There was enough room for two beds, a desk and a closet. That’s about it. The bathroom was even smaller. It was so small I could not get in there and take a picture of it because all I would get was wall. It really didn’t bother me that it was all small. I mean we were not about to spend all our time in there. We were going to be spending time all over the ship.

The toilet gets its own paragraph. It does not flush like a normal toilet. I can’t say it actually flushed it was more of a suction thing. The toilet sucked out the waste. Funny thing is I could feel the suction as the toilet flushed. Not when I am sitting on it—nope—when I was standing I could feel it from underneath the toilet. It was weird. And it made me laugh every time it was done.

Speaking of toilets let me tell you about the food. There was breakfast, lunch and dinner that was served on this ship. Breakfast and lunch, for me, was at the blue room. It really wasn’t called the blue room but it was really blue so I nicknamed it that. They had several things to choose from in there and it matter what time of day you went and stuff. It was a whole buffet thing. The one thing that I really liked there was the hot dogs. MmmmMMm. Plus the blue room was 24 hours and that rocked. There was free juice, coffee and some water. The water had a weird taste to it but I got use to it. It wasn’t as if it was horrible just a weird taste.

Dinner was awesome because I have never had a three course meal. It was also cool because there was no prices on the menu. All I had to do was pick what I wanted. That’s it. Pick. I could do that. First was a starter then salad and then the real meal. It was really good stuff. They had strawberry soup. That sounds odd doesn’t it? It sounded odd to me too. But I had to try it no matter how fruity it would be for me to do so. It was quite good. It had a hint of mint but I liked it. Oh and we had desert. All the time desert. Yum in my tummy that was. It was great.

The weird thing was allowing them to be a napkin in my lap. I thought about just doing it for myself but hey I may never get this odd chance again so I just let him do it. Yeah that sounds weird get over it. The silverware is many. There are about four forks, two spoons and two knifes. It is weird but I was told it was used from the outside in. So that made it a little simpler. What was interesting is that the waiter knew what to take away from each person when the main course was coming. They would take away whatever we didn’t need for the main course.

The waiter was very funny. They did little songs and the last night they had this song that went to the tune of “I’m leaving on a Jet plane and I won’t be coming back again” and it had me laughing. He was very good and a very good sport. It was great to know that we would have a great dinner because our waiter wouldn’t be boring.

There was live music all over the ship and sometimes it was good to watch or just listen too. They had shows in some of the rooms. They even had a comedian who talked about southerners. He stated that there was y’all – which is a group of people – and then all y’all which meant everyone. So it went something like this y’all can come but not all y’all. I laughed because that is true. I’ve heard it used like that. I’m not so sure I’ve used it that way but I am very sure that I’ve used the word y’all. Ha ha.

Mexico was nice. They have clean beaches where we went and it was very relaxing. It was good that we had people that spoke Spanish with us because these people try and get the most money they can out of us for things that really shouldn’t cost that much. I would state I was just looking and they would say, “How much you willing to spend?” The funny thing was that it wasn’t just one person saying that every single one that we went too—stores—practically said the same thing. I wanted henna on my arm and this guy wanted 25—I didn’t have it. He then proceeded to go down and down and down to 15. That was good because it was huge thing and it took a long time for him to put it on my arm. My arm fail asleep while he was doing it. I still have that one and it has been over a week. The funny statement was that they would say is, “I needs the money.”

They had tequila shots there almost like water. It was good stuff. I’ve never had it before but it is really good with lime and salt. And I learned that you have to do the lime and salt at the right time---unlike my friend Dez did. She told me the wrong way and I did it and I wanted to cry. Ask me the right way and I won’t remember but I will when I try it because it makes it taste bad. Ick.

Any way the best part of the trip to me was karaoke. Me and Dez went there because everyone agreed to be there. Well not everyone was there. So we waited. These people sang crap. I know it was Christmas season but I was really sick of the Christmas songs after about 5 in a freakin row. It was horrible. We almost left. We switched seats and stuff and I took a book to look through it and see what they have. This one guy got up there and sang Neon Moon and it was really good. The crowd was dying out so I thought I would try this out. I go up there and tell him I want to do All Star by SmashMouth. I go and sit down and wait. Then the other 11 come in and sit with us. Not only that but the place started to fill up. I was like, “what in the freakin world?”

The guy calls me up and says that there is no All Star because he doesn’t have the CD. So I had to pick another song. And I did. I picked Addicted by Simple Plan. It was my turn and everyone cheered because it wasn’t country again or some slow song. Then I started. It wasn’t really singing because I mainly talked. It was in a sarcastic tone and stuff and people laughed. I would sometimes go faster then the actual words would. It seemed to be hard to follow the highlighted words. I did entertain though. Especially when I said HEARTBREAKER!!! Ha ha.

Karaoke occurred two more nights after that. Then that was it. But every night after that there were more and more people. And the thing was said because of me. That made me laugh because I didn’t believe it. The next night I did the song This Kiss by Faith Hill and I had to stop mid way because I forgot that the song stated Cinderella and Snow White and a white knight. I finished the song and everyone was laughing but I forgot about that. I did Blink 182 All the small things. I did Girl loves the boy. I did Creep and I did all star for my last song. I was the last to do one on the last night. The Creep on had people laughing because of the way I said Creep and stuff. It was so much fun I missed it on the last night we were on the ship. I really wanted to do it again.

On the last night me and Dez had been at the club thing and we danced and did a little line dancing and watched others act like freaks. It was fun. Then we went to the blue room to eat something. I got apple juice and she ate ice cream. The top decks were closed off because of high winds ----

Okay let me just stop right there and explain something this last night was very hard to forget. The ship was going through rough waters and the boat rocked before but during this time it really rocked. People would be walking down the hall and all of the sudden the would veer right in a massive group it was freakin funny. I would think I was walking straight but then end up a the wall and it just made me laugh how bad it was. Okay back to story.

---so we were not allowed up there. The Ledo deck was open but was not above the ship it had like the pool and stuff. We were allowed to walk across it. Dez was interested in doing that so that is what we did. Halfway across the deck she decides that it is too cold. Is it cold? Slightly. But I tell her we are already across halfway let us continue. And right when she turned around the wind gusts and I get apple juice up and down the right side of my body. It was awesome. Any way we get back inside and I decide we should go and see what cool music they are playing in the club.

We walk passed this group and a guy shouts out “Hey – my name – we liked your karaokeing can I have your autograph.” I laugh and say I don’t have a pen and he states neither does he. He tells me I should get one and come back. We go and sit at the club and there is nothing but crap and crap dancing so we leave. We pass them again and again he asks me if I have a pen. I inform him that I do not. We head back to our rooms. I then decide that I’ll get a pen because I always carry around pens. So I grab one from my room and we go back. He like jumps up all excited with his paper and I sign it to three guys and I write “love and then my name.” I take their picture of my fans. It had me laughing.

They were not the only ones that would say hi to me. All around the ship there were people. About five or so people that would say “hey and my name” it had me laughing. I decide to call them Creepers because of the song Creep and because of these little boys that told their mother—look there’s the creep. Ha ha.

When we left the ship one of the guys there said that he liked my singing. That was the end of my 15 minutes of fame. Sad it was to say good by but nice to know that no one will be just running up to me saying hi. It weirded me out a little, though it was great at the same time.

About two days afterwards I kept feeling like I was still rocking on a ship. It was funny being off that bad while I was walking or peeing. So dorky.

The ship was fun and I would so do it again in a heartbeat. I might even go karaoke here in town. Or not.

Dork Lesson # 17 Being recognized for singing karaoke on a cruise ship is dorky. Being recognized by little boys as a creep is weird. Rocking on the ship and unable to walk and finding it funny is dorky. Being off the ship and still unable to walk because you say it is rocky is very dorky. All in all I was a dork the entire trip. Not to mention the fact I wore a really bright orange shirt in Mexico that screamed TOURIST. I am such a dork.

No Movie and a Dinner

Saturday was very entertaining. I would like to say only me and Dez go through such oddness. So let me share my wonderful odd day.

I woke up at 6:20 in the am. Why the hell would I get up so early in the morning? Work. Why would I work on a Saturday? Why? Don’t I have a party happening on this day all day long? No. Don’t I need to rest from the party on Friday? No. I am going to work this early in the morning because I don’t have vacation time so I gotta work off my time off I’m taking to go on a cruise. Where? I am going somewhere where they have islands

So I get to work by 7. Guess what? I did not have to be there until 7:30. Sucks. I could have squeezed out 30 more minutes of sleep. But noooooooooooooooo I had to get there at 7 a.m.

Anyway it was a boring day. Slightly entertaining but I was looking forward to a movie viewing. Dez informed me that we had to be at Churn and BJ’s house by 7:30 pm. I looked and found times. I found a 5:15 for “Motorcycle Diaries.” That is all I wanted to see.

So we (and when I say we I mean me)go to the theater slightly late. I kick Dez out to get the tickets and I go to Wal-Mart for my snacks.

I quickly go in to grab my crap. Quickly would have been nice, but there was a flood of vehicles coming into Wal-Mart’s parking lot. So I had to park far and run to Wal-Mart. I get in and get my stuff and I head out. Upon going to the exit I see what I think is a mass exodus from Houston into Wal-Mart. A good 30 people came in while I was going out.

I called Dez and she said it was not playing at the time I stated. So I go through movies over the phone until I show up right next to her. None of the movies I listed ended before 7:30, they all ended after that time. That blew mad angry watermelon chunks. I was irritated saying she better have dinner ready at 7:30 otherwise I will be very sad that I could have seen a movie.

Dez called and Churn said no don’t come. So yeah we were stuck on “cool” Westheimer with hardly the money to be there. So I needed gas. Cheap is what I wanted. So we go to H.E.B. ( a grocery store) and of course we go to the one where they have no gas. Yay it’s time for me to use my Chevron card. I put 3$ in my tank and I’m done.

We go to the Sketcher’s store because I love Sketchers and they were having a buy one get one ½ thing. So cool. I go in there and there are so many cool shoes. I did want so bad to buy the entire store. It could be my shoe closet.

I find cool shoes. But I still look. Dez finds some guy shoes but she has fairy feet no ogre feet so bam no shoes for her. She was looking with me and then all of a sudden a freak starts yelling about being left bla bla by an employee. Wawawawa all the way home. He looked like a loser. Screaming just because he was left all alone aw.

I don’t know if he was screaming to be right or to scare off people. Whatever the reason he is the one that looked very stupid and had he died of a heart attack right there I would not have cared.

I did see this guy having a girlfriend doing all the shoe grabbing. Is that lame? Very. Who is too lazy to get their own shoes to try on? He is.

Churn had asked us to get a chair. Why? Well because she only had 4 chairs and 5 people were coming. Because she cannot count we have to stop at a store to get another chair. The funny thing is it isn’t any store. Nope. It is the God of all stores Wal-Mart. I told Dez that we do not want to go there. It is not good for us to go in there. We end up going anyway.

We find a chair. Too expensive for our wallets. I find a stool. Just right. Then I hear the CDs calling me. Whatever do I do? I give in and go. What do I find? I find Simple Plan for 13$. As we are leaving the CD section I see 9.99. Not a CD I want just the price. So I put A Simple Plan back and get 3 9.99 CDs. Two Country CDs and the BeeGee’s Greatest Hits. I also get two more monsters and a water. I did not need to go into Wal-Mart. It has an evil pull on me.

We end up getting to their house a little late. I finished up my drinks. Dinner was slightly ready at the right time. There was pork chops, rice, plantine, mash potatoes and shrimp. I found out how hungry I was. Everyone ends up eating and getting full. I end up finishing everything but the plantine because BJ love those. He was afraid I would eat them all. I ate everything up. I had 3 pork chops, the rest of the potatoes, shrimp and rice. I ate like I had just smoked pot.

BJ and Churn argued about whether or not he likes leftovers. They’ve been married about 7 months or so and that is there argument. Funny because that should be known. Churn argues verbally and BJ argues silently. It is very entertaining. The food was great and I had fun. We did get to see In America there. It was okay.

Dork Lesson #16 It is dorky that one would be addicted to an energy drink so much that they get two and drink them within an hour of starting. Instead of staying away from stores that you know you’ll buy something you think you can go into the store and get one thing and come out without arm full of things. That is uber dorky.

No Pills But It's Okay To Burn The Place Down

So I went to Buzz Fest yesterday. It is a Radio all day concert thing. We go every year. They hold Buzz Fest twice a year. At the Woodlands they check everyone to make sure they don’t have certain items. I know they do this because I’ve been before. But I never knew they were willing to be a pain in my butt by taking my pills away. Why? I don’t know. I mean people get to bring in lighters.

If you don’t know lighters light cigarettes and weed. But do they check for weed? Not good enough when I can smell it. But that is beside the point. The point is that they allow lighters, the thing that burns things. The thing that has the ability to burn faces off of people and buildings. But I can't brin in my medication that harms no one.

All day long I would be making reference to the fact that they can bring in those kinds of clothes and I cant bring in my pills. Or that guy can wear a mask around and I can’t bring my pills in. Which is really stupid because he can wear that stupid mask around hiding his face and I can’t bring in medication that is suppose to help me? That just ain’t right.

I found that very irritating. It was just stupid. Then there is the problem of people not wearing shirts. Now I understand that the shirts cause some to be hot. That’s understandable but it isn’t right to put me through the torture of staring that people that have horrible bodies that need not to see the sun.

One in particular was this very big guy. He looked like he was close to three hundred pounds. He didn’t have a shirt on and it was fat upon fat upon fat that was blocking my view of my way to my seat. Not only was he fat he had some sort of sores on him that I didn’t even look at long enough to tell what they were. I felt that I had the right not to lose my lunch at the sight of people like that.

There were guys that walked around that had this thing with wearing shirts half way on and half way off like they were some sort of cool. I really thought that they should either have taken the shirts off or kept them on. It was lame.

Not as lame as these hats that I kept seeing girls wearing. There were, I think, actually three that were wearing them. They were big round black hats with pink boas around the brim. It was huge and obnoxious to look at.

AOL was there and they were giving out shirts. I got one. They were molded into the AOL guy. And when held correctly it looks like a gun. So I was shooting all the losers in hopes they would actually die. I don’t have that kind of good luck. Though that did not stop me from trying to shot people in hopes they would just disappear.

The bands were good. I was glad the Exies decided to come because we messed them two years ago when they were there. Story of the Year was good. Seether was good. Then there was Breaking Benjamin. They were on the side stage. There isn’t enough room for everyone who was at the concert to be at that stage but they tried. There were a mass of people there. They were good enough the other time I saw them so I went through the sea of people just to see them. It was worth it.

When we were watching the concert there were these kids that sat behind us. They couldn’t be more then 14 years old. There was one that kept saying we should sit down and he would just scream like “ehhhhhhhhh” really loud or say some vulgar thing. We ignored him and watched the concert. It was great fun because he thought he was being “cool”. Our section, again, was boring. Except for the couple that sat next to us who were moving some what everyone else looked like they didn’t want to be there.

Of course there were drunk people who sat next to us who would reach out and touch people who walked by. Mainly they would touch little kids. They wouldn’t touch guys that were as tall as the wall or anyone that looked like they could beat the living crap out of them. They thought they were so funny. They were so stupid.

There was the magic word of “F” that was going on all day long. Every band had to say it and they thought they were cool for saying. I really didn’t want to hear it an y m ore. It was the most annoying thing to hear that word every single time they stopped playing.

Velvet Revolver was last, they were the main band, and they were not good to me. I’m sure a lot of people thought they were good I was just not one of them. They reminded me too much of the eighties, which I don’t like, and there was too much no shirts going on that I’d rather not see.

The entire concert was good. I just hope next time it is slightly better and there are bands that I really like going. The bands that went were good but they didn’t play the good songs that I like. I hate that but all in all I had a lot of fun. Mainly because I was with really cool people and that makes a difference.

Dork Lesson #15 It is dorky taking a shirt that is something else and making it out to be a gun. It is dorkier to pretend to shot people with it. It is the most highest form of dorky to actually think that the gun could make people exist no more.

Forgotten Daughter

So today—which would mean Saturday the 25^th—me and Dez went to the movies. First I had a major binge on my X-Men game and then I wet to eat with Dez at a Chinese buffet place. It was good. We then went to Kroger’s so that I could fine me some mustard covered pretzels that I really crave. All they had was crappy honey mustard and I really didn’t want that. So I made us drive to the Wal-Mart to look. They had the same kind and not the kind I wanted. Under duress, which was caused by Dez, I decided to get those crappy pretzels and she got some cheese popcorn.

In the car I ate some and they made me want to wish never to eat that nastiness ever again. I freakin hated them. They tasted like something that shouldn’t be eaten by the likes of me. So I traded with Dez. That was good but I would have rather have my idea of good mustard pretzels then that crap.

We get to the movie theater and she had our big bags of stuff hidden in her sweater and it was making all kinds of noise. So she decided to stand off to the side as I bought the tickets. The movie was about to start because our fifteen minute buffer of previews was almost over. I was second in line behind this old woman. This is why old people suck. They just go to the movie and wing it. Well while they are wing it I have to sit there and wait for this old couple, her man came up next to her, to decided if they want to see this movie or that movie. I knew what I wanted to see and she couldn’t make up her old fading memory brain. I cannot stand that.

Any way we get into the theater and we sit down and we are about to watch The Forgotten. This movie has the very pretty red head Julian Moore, who happens to be my next choice should Sandra Bullock turn me down. It is rare that I like older women but those would be the major two that are competing, in my imagination, to get me. I wanted to see this movie from the previews we have been seeing it since summer. I had no idea I would end up liking it as much as I did. I can’t really say what it is about other then that it deals with a child that the mother lost and then people start telling her she never had a child. That is as much as I can say without ruining the movie. I was wondering how they were going to make it interesting because it had a great possibility to be a boring movie about a weird but fascinating topic. But the movie handled that very well. It has a few surprises that might make one jump because it occurs so abruptly. There is one scene in that movie that is in most movies but what occurs during the shot isn’t what the shot conveyed would happen. I mean it was shot similar to what movies do but what occurred wasn’t what the shot was leading to believe would happen. It was a great surprise and I really liked it. This movie had me. I love to be had. I like to not be able to figure it all out until the characters figure it out. I like that feeling of not knowing it allows me to enjoy the movie. I would see this movie again with people that have not seen it. I would also love to buy it because it is a great movie, to me that is. I would give this movie an A-.

During that movie we had three girls that sat behind us. And one of them would freak out during the movie because of what happened. She said, loud enough for me and Dez to hear, that it was scary and funny but scary first. Every time it occurred she would sound scared and then she would laugh. I can’t say exactly what she said because it would ruin the movie but it was mildly entertaining to hear that.

Then I had to piss and Dez went to get us a drink. Then we headed to the next movie which was First Daughter. This was the movie that was suppose to go up against Mandy Moore’s Chasing Liberty, but they decided to push it all the way until now. It is funny that they came up with very similar ideas. It was very similar to almost to the end. The endings to these movies are different. I like Katie Holmes and I like her in this movie but the movie itself was lacking. It was decent it just was missing something that Chasing Liberty had a little more of. They both have unique Secret Service men and they both had over protective fathers, but they were both different on the way the movie felt. First Daughter wasn’t a movie that I would really want to see again. I think I know what it was lacking—it lacks heart. It didn’t have enough of it and it didn’t have the humor either. And I really didn’t like the ending. It was abrupt and it didn’t tie things together. I didn’t like the clothes that were worn in the movie it was not great ideas. What is it that I liked about the movie? I have no idea what it is that I liked about the movie other then the guy in the movie reminded me of someone and I thought that was funny. I just kept thinking about the Forgotten while I was watching this movie. I give First Daughter a C+. It had nice effort but it didn’t give enough for me to really want to care and it brought nothing new to the idea of such a movie.

Me and Dez spent a nice day at the movies and when we walk out it is nice and dark and we head to the car. We hear this truck that is playing this song. It sounds really familiar but I couldn’t remember what it was until it go to the chorus which was “Were men in tights” and I started to laugh. These girls were blasting it and they were laughing and getting a kick out of people’s reactions. I thought it was funny.

Dork Lesson #14—It is dorky that I still haven’t made that list. It is also Dorky that I had fruit at the Chinese restraint and the Cantaloupe was freakin hard. Hellooooooo do we have to have hard cantaloupe? No. It would have been nice if it was nice and juicy the way I like it. Shut up with the nasty thoughts. It is dorky how we got our big bags of pretzels and popcorn into the theater. It is freakin hot outside and Dez is bring in a sweater to hide our crap. I know that should have looked odd but in the name of dorkiness everywhere it had to be done. Until next time dorksters good day.

Ace Love

On that Sunday after my three movie splurge I went and saw Wimbledon with Dez. That was the movie that she decided to see on Saturday so that was the one that I did not see.

That movie was good. Paul Bettany and Kirsten Dunst were so intoned with each other in this movie. And because of that it made it much better then I thought it was going to be. Much better. I didn’t expect to really like this movie as much as I did. It was simple Paul was a tennis player who was about to retire and Kirsten was a tennis player making a great name for her self and set to win Wimbledon, unlike Paul who would be happy to win once. It had a lot of heart and a great script. It also had characters that were 3d instead of the 2 dimensional crap that I’ve been seeing lately. I have to say that the ending to that movie was very good because it was so intense. The camera angles that they had throughout the movie were fantastic. They made an over done genera into something that was well done. Comedy Romance movies lack sometimes because they are done so often and rehash the same things in the same way. Wimbledon is a Comedy Romance but it doesn’t rehash what has been done before. It has similar aspects but spins them into a very creative movie that stands out instead of camouflages itself into what already exists out there. I love the ending to that movie. It was so well done and it was amazing at how intense it made me feel. I want to watch it again. There was a guy in that movie that was young tennis player that was a real jerk. I just hope that wasn’t some sort of copy of a real young tennis player such as Andy Roddick, because that would make me upset for thinking he was cool. Grrrr if it is true.

Dork Lesson #13—For one I have yet to make my list of dork lessons like I stated to begin with. That seems to be a running gag. It is dorky of me to make a whole ‘nother post into my blog when this one could have fit in with the previous one. It is also dorky that I’d rather have this one separate so that the name for the other blog post wouldn’t be a lie. Yeah I am beyond dorky and that is why this blog is soooooooooo cool.

3 In a Row Tic Tac Toe

So I had major movie withdraw and had to go see movies last weekend the 17^th and 18^th. I saw three movies. It was a big day. I had to go by myself. I went and saw Mr. 3000, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. There was one from each genre; almost, comedy then action and then horror.

So I’ll start with Mr. 3000. This would be the comedy. Of course it was funny because Bernie Mac is a funny guy. If you don’t like Bernie then you wouldn’t like this movie. It is that simple. Bernie is a funny man and he does not have that lacking in this film. The film has my home team the Astros, but no one I would recognize. Through the movie it was hard to be upset at them, even if they were made to be the “evil” team. It had a decent heart for the movie but it was nothing spectacular for me. It was funny and it had great moments, plus the ending was the best part, but there was something lacking—something missing from that film. I believe the problem lays in the fact that it didn’t have very good character development and so caring for anyone outside of Bernie was difficult to muster up. I would watch it again but there is no way I would see it in the theater again. There is no way I would buy this movie. With that in mind I would give this movie a B.

The next movie was Sky Captain and that movie had already started. So I missed some of the beginning, but as I watched it I don’t think it really mattered if I did. They had a great cast. There was great chemistry occurring between all the characters. The visuals were very amazing for what they did. I was astonished but got over it rather quickly. AJ was very hot in this movie. Her commanding demeanor was most attractive. The script was anything but great. I felt that it was slow witted and boring. It had its moments, but nothing astounding. There was a couple of interesting punches and one cleaver running gag that did almost make it worth it. I have to say, again, it was amazing with visual grandeur but nothing that would make me want to rave about it or buy it. I wouldn’t really want to sit through it again. So 2 shots and a lens cap latter I give it a B-.

I walk out of that movie feeling a little let down but I’ll live. I have a some major time to sit around and try not to be asked what I am still doing at the movie theater. So I sit on one of the benches and I am writing what I think about the two movies I saw. I am waiting for the movie to be seated for Resident Evil. There was this young boy and his friend walking by and they see this movie called Paparazzi and said Pizzeria. I can so see how he even thought that. This is why reading is very important children. Very. I did write down the name of my blog’s web address on several sheets of ripped up paper and I laid one down. I was doing some very odd advertising. Odd because one I didn’t do it again and two I just left it there. I am weird and yet I don’t care.

I was about to go into the theater to sit down when I saw that the manager was in there looking at something. I decided that he might be looking for tickets from people. But that is weird so I changed my mind and thought he was looking for Id’s to make sure people were of the right age to be in there. That was more reasonable then what I was thinking. I fixed it out. I am going to fight this paranoia thing until it is none existent. I am going to do it and it will not win me over. Don’t worry I am okay.

Resident Evil was something I really wanted to see because I really did like the first one. This one was different from the first one. It was decent but I really didn’t like it as much as the first one. But I am not upset I spent money to see it (if you see it that way). It had moments where it was good. The one thing it really didn’t have was the laser scene that the first one had. The one where the lasers chopped people up, even after the guy dodged several of them. That sucked big time but it was still cool. Though this one had a great ending that was almost like the beginning of a third movie. So it was the end of the second movie but felt like the beginning of a third. I really liked the end of that movie a lot. It was just as weird as I like and made watching that movie very entertaining. I find it funny that they don’t call them Zombies. They say something about dead coming back to life for some odd regenerating reason that I am to board to even begin to figure out. I would buy the first one and with that I would almost have to buy the second one. I would buy the second one mainly for the ending. The ending was just good. It was “Wow” for me. I give this movie a B.

I felt really relaxed after all of these movies. Ah I did forget to mention that I drank too much during one of the first two movies and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I had to piss so bad. BAD. I did manage not to piss in my pants. It was a remarkable feat considering how bad I had to piss.

As I was waiting to see Resident Evil I heard the teenagers doing the cleaning talking about how easy one side of the theater was then the other. I decided that would be the best job in the theater to be the people that clean up. You wouldn’t have to deal with stupid lame people at the concession stand or the ticket counter. You would just get to clean up the crap instead of talk to it.

So it is time for the dork lesson number #12. Ooooooh it is the bad luck number. So lame. I still have not fulfilled my promise of doing the list that I stated I would do. It is very dorky to write the web address to my blog on torn up pieces of paper and then lay only one out of four out. Which it probably didn’t even get into anyone’s hands other than the hands of someone throwing it away. That is okay because I’ll think of something better to do to advertise my great self. *rolls eyes* I do have to add that it is major dorky to go see three movies in a row and then say one is relaxed. But it is very true I am more relaxed after seeing a movie by myself. It is my haven from things that are trying to ruin what is left of my world.

The Stupid Relationship of Whore and Idiot to the Nth Degree

So it has been a while since I have posted on this great blog. I’ve not really had any grand moments to share except for this one:

I pride myself on being a very good friend. Unlike most people I can ignore the wrong that has been done and move on with the friendship. The things is one can only be wronged so many times. And that is where my story begins with wrong after wrong after wrong.

Let me use real names because I don’t care any more. I use to care. I use to care that these two were human and disserved consideration as such but I’ve learned that it might look human but that doesn’t mean it is human. A human would have compassion and love for someone that they’ve been friends with for well over 7 years. That is what a human would do.

If I were to mark down the hurtful and wrong things this person did I would lose count. But because we were friends I could get over it knowing that she didn’t mean to do it. That is no longer the case. She is no longer a child and therefore would have to be held accountable for her deceit of forgiveness.

I did state I would use their real names, and that I shall. First is Sarah. But because she is no longer worth being nice to, I will call her Whore. Why whore? Well whore is just another form of idiot just a little more severe. Should anyone be offended by such a word I would like to state that I didn’t invite you to read now did I? And if I did and you are offended you really don’t know me very well. I will only be using Whore when Sarah, who is Whore by the way, makes a stupid mistake. Now you may see the name Whore a lot and I could only hope you would put two and two together and get the fact that she is.

Sarah and I met in High School when we were sophomores. We had fun through High School. We had our inside jokes, we had our buddies, and we had our fun. She had just gotten out of a relationship with Steven who happened to be an idiot to the nth degree. He wasn’t too nice. Therefore when I showed interest she would become a Whore and drag me in and push me away for the next seven years.

When they state that love is blind they were not kidding. Had anyone seen Sarah during this time they would have thought she swallowed herself. But I was truly in love. I was not caring that she was putting on weight or that her face was as round as a dinner plate because love doesn’t see such deformities. No love allows one to make a fool of oneself because there would be no other reason I would fall for a Whore like her.

On and off again. Cold and hot, that is how it was for the longest time. Though Sarah would claim, like a Whore, that she wanted something out of our relationship and not only would she claim that she would also claim I, a the time, did not. She tried to blame me like a Whore. Never did she apologize for the way she treated me and there is no doubt in my mind she knew exactly what she was doing and had done.

November 2002 I send a letter stating that I liked her. See how horrid love can be? I would do this in hopes that she would have a change of heart from Whore to good person. No such luck was with me all seven years. It is important to note that she claimed to be my best friend during this time. She said we were and I thought we were. I never really questioned it until I received the letter back stating she met someone. That information is important in a best friend setting. Important because best friends tell each other about such things via the phone or in person, they do not act like a Whore and send it through snail mail. Sarah is a Whore because that is what she did. She took what I thought was a special relationship and kicked in the guts and allowed to writher and die because she was human enough to give a care.

At the time I thought how weird that was but I really didn’t give it that much thought. I did, however, want to meet this “Shawn” or like I will be calling him “Idiot to the Nth Degree.” So me and some friends head to that side of town to eat with Sarah and meet Shawn. It really was a surprise type thing, she had no idea we were coming. We did get to meet Shawn and in that brief time I did think of him as an Idiot to the Nth Degree. And as I would learn I was not far from the truth. I was actually a little too nice with what I thought of him.

Meeting him once was not enough to me, even though my thoughts on him were almost dead on from the start, so I made sure to spend more time with him again and again. Each time was no different then the last. He, being and Idiot to the Nth Degree, would flirt with other girls right in front of Sarah. He enjoyed poking them in the sides and making them jump. His clothes would have holes in them. Every time I saw him it was almost a game to count up the amount of holes in his clothes and the weird thing was that each time I would come up with another number. <>

I really thought this relationship was a joke. No sooner do I really start believing that do I receive an e-mail stating that the Idiot to the Nth Degree proposed to the Whore and the Whore said yes. She got a ring and decided, I don’t know how, that it would be a wise move to e-mail everyone this grand news. As a best friend, I know how stupid of me to even think that was still true; I thought this was a poor decision on her part. We were supposed to go out to eat at Red Robin that night. So I called her to make sure we were still on for that night. When I called her she didn’t even ask if I got her e-mail or tell me her supposedly “great news”. I would think that if it was such a fantastic event that she would want to tell everyone. Since she didn’t want to tell me flat out what occurred I decided to ignore the fact that I read the e-mail and go to dinner and ignore any sign of a ring until she told me.

All dinner long she didn’t ask me if I got the e-mail and she didn’t make mention of their engagement. Neither did the Idiot to the Nth Degree. It was no surprise that they wouldn’t talk about. But that doesn’t mean I was not hurt that my best friend would refuse to share that information on a more personal note instead of through e-mail.

It was down hill from there. None of her friends or her family thought this was a wise idea. 0. No one would tell her. I was not going to allow my friend to make such a mistake without thinking about it.

They already decided to have their wedding on October 31, 2003. Why, because they are Whore and Idiot to the Nth Degree who both refuse to think of anyone outside themselves. This nice Halloween date was on a Friday. I told her no one would be willing to go on a Friday. She instead that there were people that would.

I saw that I was going to be the only friend that would tell her straight up not to marry him or at least wait a while instead of rushing into it. She had not even known him for a year and she already thinks she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. I told her that he has disgusting clothes. He never looks clean and he has no reason to look the way he looks. He had a very unkempt house with dirt on the carpet and clothes every where and it stunk. He flirts with other girls in front of her. He never had anything clean to talk about and thought he was ALWAYS right.

She ends up telling me about how Shawn was abused when he was younger. That’s great, really it is. I mean here is a guy that already has social problems and he was abused on top of that? He doesn’t look like someone that has gotten over what occurred and it did not make me feel sorry for him. It made me not like him more. I know people who have been abused when they were a child and have grown up to be decent people that do NOT fall back on that past just to justify what they do. That was trouble when she told me that. I mean my aunt was in an abusive relationship for five years. She must have thought she could change him with love. I gave her waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much credit to being smart. I’ll never make that mistake again.

Because I did not kiss her fat Whore butt and say how great an idea it is for you to marry someone after only knowing them for eight months, she got mad at what I was telling her. She and I had a huge argument via e-mail and I am very vicious in e-mail. I am so horrid that people would wonder if I feel bad for sending what I send when I’m mad and all I have say to that is if I send it they deserved it and I refuse to take it back.

What happens is Whore changes the date from Friday to Saturday and didn’t say she was sorry for telling me how wrong I was. She sends out the invitations and does not send me one. There is no way it was solely her decision on that so I also blame the Idiot to the Nth Degree. I laughed and said wouldn’t it be funny if it rained that day, and it did. They had an outside wedding and it rained.

A week after their wedding I felt bad and called her and said that I am willing to work it out. She sucked at trying and that is why she is a Whore and forever more will be known as such. She didn’t like that I had something to say in January 2004. She hated the fact that I had valid points she couldn’t answer nor give good reason for what she did. And she still did not say sorry for treating me wrong.

Again I was willing to work things out and I thought things were fine until this Summer when Tessa came down from College. She wanted to spend time with us and invited Whore and Idiot to the Nth Degree and Whore told me she didn’t want to go because Shawn the Idiot has a problem with me. News to me, because I was under the impression that all was well and she allowed me to think this and she also chose to tell me I am no longer allowed to communicate with her. Isn’t that nice? Isn’t it great that my best friend the Whore couldn’t stand up for me or try to fix it. She claims to have tired but I highly doubt she did she has been lying to me this entire time about the well being of our relationship.

We had another run in via e-mail when I told her that her not helping to fix this problem was a problem and that I couldn’t spend the optimal time with Tessa because her and Idiot to the Nth Degree always got in the way. She told me to quit pretending I am the victim. That is so funny because I am the victim. That is why this will never be fixed because she thinks she is the victim. Well guess what victims don’t make their own hell. So if she is unhappy, which she is or she wouldn’t be so pissy, it is her own stupid decisions that got her to that place and the only person she could blame is herself. I do not feel sorry for her and her horrible marriage because I told her it wouldn’t work.

If I was still her friend, which I was always up to being, I would be less negative and more positive . . . . hey I am positive—I am positively right and she should acknowledge that and repent. Would I say, “I told you so”? Yes at this point in my life I would. She had no remorse for causing me the amount of pain and damage I will show no remorse to her and her anguish of a sucky marriage.

It isn’t right for her to be that afraid of her husband. And it is really sad that she cannot see that. And if anyone happens to read this, and you know exactly who you are, and I happen to get comments as if they are from Whore and Idiot to the Nth Degree I will know who told. I am not stupid.

I am pissed beyond compare how reckless she is and inconsiderate. With that in mind I am willing to make another pass at fixing this. She claims to be a “good” person and yet fails to share the qualities of a good person. In the case of her marriage: Failure is an option and it should be taken before the damage is too much.

Dork Lesson #11 – You thought this was too serious to have one of these at the end? Well it wasn’t too serious. It is dorky to state that you would run the list of Ten Lessons when you reached them and yet you are now on 11 and have yet to do so. It is dorky to be in love for seven years and not see how Whore like the person was. It is ultimate dork prowess to want to forgive and still be friends even after the heart has been raped for all its worth. And finally it is dorky to think anyone will read about your messed up relationship let alone find it entertaining.

Dollar Store Whore

Me and Dez were to go out thrift shopping on Sunday. Why? Because we wanted to, should there be another reason? Yeah that’s what I thought. Of course with the great weather we did have during the week, we would have to have thunderstorm weather for our weekend. So lovely and great are the two words that came to mind.

Dez drives us to what she thought was a thrift shop. But it wasn’t what she thought it was and therefore we didn’t get out of the car. We drove past the spot she thought it was at and we headed for the dollar store. That means we have to cross over a busy street in the rain in a car and it may seem easy but it wasn’t. The street we get on is two lanes and everyone had to squeeze into one lane. That sucked but the reason there was such suckiness is because a car battery died. Aw. We really didn’t have time to feel the sorry for them. It was raining and we had to make the light.

We get to the dollar store’s parking lot and Dez parks. Where does she park? Far freakin’ away from the door and the reason she does it is because, “There isn’t any parking that close.” And what do we see when we walk in the rain to the door as she tells me I am not going to melt? 3 parking spots and one of them is right there next to the store. She thinks it was okay to be cruel and mean to me. But all knows that that isn’t wise to do so.

We get in the store and we walk around. The whole reason we were going there was because we wanted to look at the shirts because last time we actually found something to get. But this time was different and crapy and we found nothing at all. So that sucked. We did, however, walk around the store to see if we see anything that we wanted. I was hungry but wasn’t allowed to eat because we were going to meet someone. So I wanted chips. I got chips.

I do look around and notice people have shopping carts which gives the impression that they are buying more than their two hands can hold. Which then I come to the conclusion that they have to shop at the dollar store because they can’t afford to go any where else and that’s okay. But I don’t want to be those people. I am pretty happy that I can go to the dollar store because I want to not because I have to. I don’t want to have to go to the dollar store because that would bite.

I decided I wanted to go and look at the wonderful pens that they have for a dollar. They were wonderful. So wonderful that some of them were open because apparently a dollar is way too much. Who in the world steals from the dollar store? Who? I mean it is only a dollar and then you decide what? That’s just too much for me. I can’t spend a dollar. What a dollar I’d rather spend only 99 cents. So I think I’ll steal this here pen because a dollar is way too much money for me to be shelling out for a pen.

I didn’t get it. Nor do I get my obsession with buying shirts even if they are from the dollar store. Well we did go out into our adventure to the thrift stores and it was unfortunate that they were all closed because they are good Christians and are not open on Sunday. I hate them. Why in the world would they or should they be closed on Sunday? No one knows.

Well I’m sure someone knows but that someone is not me. And therefore since it is not me and I don’t know this someone I say that no one knows. For as far as I know no one knows and that’s the way things are. Well should be. Anyway we end up eating wings and I end up stating we should start our own Olympic rowing team. And then Dez’s friend M says she’ll be the screamer screaming when to row. That’s fine because she is way to skinny to even row. I think her arms would fall off. That wouldn’t be pretty and I don’t clean up blood. That’s asking for something. What is it asking for—I have no idea but I don’t wanna clean the blood is that okay?

So we end up—as always—going to Wal-Mart because they need crap from there. I park far away from the door. Who complains? Not Dez because she knows she did the same thing to me but it was raining. I end up buying more shirts at Wal-Mart. I need a twelve step program for this addiction. But I like it. I love me the shirts.


Dork Lesson # 10 would be going to the dollar store for supplies and not because one has to but because one wants to. I will not state that stealing from the dollar store is dorky because I just find that stupid. Stupid dollar store stealers, what is up with that? Oh well we all can’t have the smartness.

A Vanilla Out Shirtaholic

Friday was my cool double feature day. On my plate was Collateral and Napoleon Dynamite. No Dez this weekend she is off at a wedding it was just me. Me and me all alone which would be sad but I am far from boring even when alone.

My favorite movie theater would be the one that is called AMC 30. I love how incredibly ghetto it is. My favorite of all theaters it is so comfortable and cool and people are just normal. Then there are other theaters that I tend to go to only because it is the last resort. It would happen today because that is the way things go. I was to go with my aunt but she didn’t want to go today so that was a bust. I had a time to go at AMC 30 but it was too late for that one. Therefore the next best time was at AMC 20. Well the other reason was because AMC 30 has ticket guards and I’m not up to giving my money to anything other than Collateral. So AMC 20 was my choice.

AMC 20 is located in the rich part of town and it is where preppy was born. It happened to also be Friday and people like Friday so much that they drop their kids off at the mall and leave them there. Which makes it some kind of big baby sitting area and I do not like that one bit. So I have to suck it up and go there because I really want to see movies. I am running late. I have to speed all the way there which sucks in itself because of the construction that is occurring around my home area. Crap heads.

I am almost to the mall in where I am to see the movie and I end up having a moron want to get in front of me before the lanes merge. Okay fine but he decides to go slow. Butt monkey. I hate when people do that. I wish my car had some sort of cannon that would disable stupid cars like that. Anyway no matter I get to zoom past his slow butt later and head for Wal-Mart because I need money and some yummy snacks.

I get into Wal-Mart and get 3 packs of the yummy beef jerky and some tea. I use self checkout like a pro and I am off to the movies. I love it because I get there five minutes before the movie is to start and I speed walk my self into that mall. I see all the weird white posers that frequent that mall and think they would get their butt kicks if they were in my favorite side of town. No line so I get my ticket quickly and get into the theater and there was one preview before the movie started. I am good.

Collateral is about a taxi driver who ends up getting a ride that is a ride that changes his life forever. He is made to do things he would never do. It sort of an interesting event that causes some sort of confidence that he never knew he had. Vincent is the fare from hell for he has taxi driver man drive him to each kill. He would try to break him down by talking to him but Vincent is a smart one he is always 5 steps ahead. I liked the movie. It was a thinking thriller. It had some very interesting concepts that it put out there as to why things are done by people and that is a very fascinating thing to me.

Tom Cruise was a very good bad guy. I really didn’t like him towards the end. I did like the end because it tied in what was already discussed in the middle of the movie. There is a part where it shows the inability of communication between Cops and FBI I think that is freaky. Plan people because that is the way things should be handled. Winging it when someone’s life is on the line isn’t the smartest thing to do.

I give this movie a A-. I liked it that much. Weird. Well I don’t like it enough to shell out the money to buy it nor do I think I will see it again. But Tommy boy did a good job I give him so thumbs up. How about a good 7 because that is good and because Ebert doesn’t even have 7 thumbs no matter how many separate people could combine his weight.

That was the end of that movie and when the end comes that means I get up out of my seat and I go to the restroom and I wash my hands. Interesting place the restroom, they have these things called sinks. Now I don’t know if they have them in every restroom and bathroom in the world but they are cool things. Why are they cool? Well let me share that very prudent information: they have the ability to sanitize your hands when soap is used. Which happens to be the very happy companion of the sink and they both love to be used. Weird I know but true they like to be used because that is why they are there. A few guys are at this sink and some leave and I use it and what do you know there isn’t a drop of soap in that soap giver outer. Hummm what does that mean? That means they didn’t wash their hands. They go off and touch their girlfriends and their children and the handle and all they spread their penis germs all over. Which is why I try not to touch the handle I rather not have a handle on their penis when doing so. Because that is what you are touching when you touch something they touch and they didn’t wash their hands. Nasty. I wash.

I then take my body and sit down in the theater that is small for Napoleon Dynamite. It was about 20 minutes before it was to start. There were five kids in there. I was content with that amount. I sit down where I could put my feet up on this bar. I would hit the bar with my foot making it vibrate. It was good fun for 3 seconds. Then more children wonder it. It isn’t until there were lots of children that I realized it is PG movie. Sucks. I should never see a PG movie again. Children are fine but these jabber boxes wouldn’t talk in their 12 inch voices to each other. No they think that because they have blond hair and blue eyes it is best to yell so that others can see how big their mouth is. The stupid whores that sat behind me had to kick my chair. Which is only fine because they were getting up and sitting down otherwise I would have shot them in the breast had I not forgot my breast gun in the car. Darn it. Then there were to stupid whores that sat beside me and jabbered through the entire previews and wouldn’t shut up. They talked like they’ve never talked to each other ever. Why do people go to the movies and have conversations during the preview and the movie I have no idea? Losers. I was going to say something but it is only the preview so I allow it for now. They did end up shutting their useless mouths up so I could enjoy the movie.

Napoleon Dynamite was very funny. I liked how they did the credits at the beginning, very creative. The way that guy did his lines was funny. He would exaggerate some of the lines and that made what he said ten times more funny. The lethargic way some of the actors acted was pure comic genius for this movie. Napoleon’s talking on the phone is funny because he had to be out of the room so no one could hear him talk on the phone. Nothing has made me laugh like the way he dances. This movie was clean humor and it was funny. I like that they didn’t have to go raunchy on me.

During the movie, because I was sitting with posers of the universe club, a guy thought it would be funny to squeak his shoe against the floor. Wow the coolness in that. So lame. He got yelled at and he stopped. If he was really cool he would have continued to do it. What else was lame was the fact that during the movie there is a part where they play the theme of the A Team and I was thinking, “These morons in this theater haven’t a clue what that is.” I was one of four that would recognize that music. I hate that theater. Want another reason as to why I hate that theater? Okay, stupid blond bimbos behind me stood up and bimbo number 1 said, “That is a reason why you shouldn’t be a dork.” I wanted so bad to say, “And that is a reason why you are a whore.” But being I was surrounded by cookie cutters I decided that wouldn’t be one of the great situations to say something. I would save face and move on with life thinking she is a whore and all whores do are open up when they should close shop. Whore. Napoleon Dynamite gets an A+ from me and I will buy this movie in remembrance of the stupid morons I watched the movie with.

So I leave the theater and walk to my car. I walk there and I hear this R&B music booming and I watch the car park and out pops a white boy with his gangster gear on and I just thought, “I hate this theater” and “they would so die in my theater” so true. I was very vanillaed out.

It was Tax Free Weekend and I decided to go to this clothing store to by some shirts. They had shirts for ½ off and tax free. So I went looking through the cool stuff for my stuff and found a shirt that said, “Sarcasm one service I offer.” I love that shirt. Bought it. There was one I bought for a friend that said, “Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.” So cool. I also got a shirt that said Dukes of Hazzards and I am wearing it right now. Also I saw a shirt that said, “This is the I don’t give a crap shirt.” I loved that one. I didn’t have the money for it but it was funny. Next time I guess.

I did have to make a stop at Wal-Mart because I wanted to look at their CDs. I did happen to by a CD by Joe Nickels but only because it was 9 dollars. Then I did a nice search through shirts and I bought several which includes one that states “Slacker”. I am a shirtaholic and I need a 12 step program please help me. I bought 4 shirts at the other store and then 6 at the WallyMart so I need the help. Help me.

Dork Lesson #9 Caring which theater you are to go to is dorky. Having to go to Wal-Mart even though there isn’t enough time is dorky. Sitting in a movie and forgetting what the rating is, is dorky. Sitting in the theater and hating the people in it because they dissever to be hated is dorky. Thinking instead of saying what is on your mind for fear a mob will kill you and you would be a dead minority in a sea of white is dorky. Loving shirts that have funny sayings on them just because is dorky. Going to Wal-Mart and buying shirts close to midnight is dorky. Being a shirtaholic is dorky. But the to be a major dork you have to have invented the word shirtaholic.

The Twisting Village & the White Castle

Movie day that was what it was last week when me and Dez went to go see movies. We were going to go and see The Village and White Castle with the two names I can say but cannot spell. Oh Henry is one name the other has 5 U’s or whatever. Anyway that was the plan. Considering we wanted to laugh second we decided to go and see the Village first.

But before we venture to see such a movie we needed the Wal-Mart. We had a good fifteen minutes and it was Sunday so we were not afraid of anything taking too long. It was salty day for me I got some beef jerky and water. Oh and that stuff they stick by the cashier I look at all the time. They stick that stuff there for people like me. I saw some Trident citrus gum and I had to get some. I was going to get something else but Dez told me to quit. So I did. She got the citrus too. See it works.

So we head to the theater and when we start to see the line we see there is a line. What in the world? It is freakin’ Sunday why is there a line? Well there was two lines and both lines only had one person doing tickets. Okay that explains some of it but what was up with the . . . . oh there was old people. Everything was explained then. It was hot and no wind and there was a line of ten people in front of us and our movie started in like 1 minute. Well then there is 15 minutes of previews. We ran through other possibilities of how we could see the movies we wanted but we just wanted to see the Village first. So we stuck with the idea.

Funny thing about old people they say some really stupid things. This old couple in front of us could barely walk. There soon were two people handing out tickets for our line and one was open and the old man said, “Open your eyes buddy” to the next person in line and proceeds to say how slow people are as he hobbles to catch up with his wife. Yeah okay buddy. Good one. You keep believing you are not a snail and I’m sure it will be so.

We get our tickets and head inside to our theater. We made it just in time for it was only the beginning credits. That was so cool. I was excited to see this movie. Being that I’ve seen all the director’s other movies and of them Signs being my favorite I was sure I would like this one.

So we had to find a seat. Well normal movies would have a bright screen shot and then I could see where we could go. The Village was not normal and therefore left us in the dark. Nice. I decided we should just sit in the row in front of us and I tried to see if there was anyone there and there wasn’t, until I went closer and a leg moved. It was freakin’ dark and I was laughing because I couldn’t see my own feet. We sit down and enjoy the entire movie.

I can’t get into what the entire movie is about because that would ruin the concept it was trying to hide in the trailers. I would like to say that the trailers are not deceptive, they are not trying to make you think it is scary it is just not enough to put into the trailer without giving away the plot. I liked the trailer because I like not knowing the entire movie upon seeing the trailers. So don’t think it is scary because it isn’t. It has moments that are but as a whole it is more of a thinking movie then an actually “scary movie”. You keep that in mind and you will be fine. Oh and if you didn’t like Signs you probably will not like this movie. It isn’t fast. It is slow. But the lines in this movie are so well done. I love that about this movie. The lines are so good. I love the scene that is between Ivey and Lucius on her porch. It was such a well done scene in the movie and one of my all time favorites.

Ivey is such a great character and is so well acted by the one that played her. Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of the director of the same last name, is Ivey. She is a special case and I will mention her only because I think the way she acted in this movie is warrant of some kind of award, even if it isn’t an Oscar. She was outstanding and I have yet to see anyone top that this year.

The ending may cause some sort of hate towards the movie but it was to my liking. Oh well to those who don’t like it you aren’t cool enough to. As for the “twist”, if you really believe there to be one, don’t be disappointed if you figure it out. It isn’t like you are some kind of genius or the Director/Writer was some kind of lameiod—it is because this time around it isn’t about the twist as much as it is about the reason.

Speaking of the Director he is in the movie and I will only say his reflection is caught and that is all I can say on that.

The Village gets and A+ from me because of the lines, the idea, the great acting, the great story and it is a smart film that only a few will find so.

The ending left me and Dez laughing because others would hate it. We both liked it. Anyway we didn’t have time to sit there and ponder it all the way through. We got up and headed for the next movie, White Castle. We noticed they had posted an employee who would be checking tickets on that side of the theater and if you didn’t have a ticket for that movie you couldn’t pass. I thought he wouldn’t care if we did but I wasn’t in a risk taking mood. Though we decided to stand outside the exit door and wait for someone to come out so we could go in. Did someone come out? No. We decided to go buy the tickets. Then a group came out the exit when we were already on our way to buy tickets. Mad? Yes I was. I told her the movie better not be on that side of the theater, and when we got our tickets it was. We get to the guy and he didn’t even bother looking at the tickets. Mad? No very upset that I was so stupid for not trying.

We are sitting there watching this movie. Laughing and laughing and waiting for more laughing when the power in the theater went out. The power came on and the film burned. A good ten minutes passed before it was up and running again. People were all about getting their money back. Whatever losers sit down shut up and watch the movie.

Though I was hoping it wouldn’t ruin my timing considering I was hoping to get home in time to watch ABC the Days because I really like that show a lot.

White Castle was funny. The pot smoking antics of two young minorities was a funny tail. Patrick Harris’ appearance was funny the movie was just good fun and I enjoyed it. Would I end up buying such a movie? No. But would I see it again? Yes because there were parts that made me laugh like the peeing in the forests. It was like a real life scene stolen from real life. Peeing in the forests and then someone comes and pees right next to you when there is all kinds of foliage for them to pee on. Then there are the dumb white extreme sports morons which added some laughs. “Come again.” Ha ha.

White Castle did make me want some White Castle. Yummy looking I was hungry. I give this movie a B+ it made me laugh and I wasn’t too mad at the false start and it was worth paying for so there.

When me and Dez left we saw there was no guy standing there. That made us even more angry at the fact there wasn’t and we paid for our tickets. But we were good that day we didn’t sneak anywhere we were not suppose to.



Dork Lesson #8 Being in a check out line and having the things like gum and stuff call your attention long enough that you start wanting all of what you see and then getting most of what you see is dorky. Deciding to sneak into the next movie and then end up having to pay for it anyway is dorky. Obsessing over the fact that you could have got away with it is dorky. Liking the Village ending and laughing because others will not is being very dorky. LOL.